What My Children Need Most From Me

"What do my children, my husband need most from me?" I ask myself. What my family needs most from me is my time, my attention, my love.

When my son comes up to me and I'm busily typing out my blog, it's then that I stop and look at him. Often this is enough to fill up his "love tank" and when he's received my FULL attention, he merrily goes about his business building forts, inventing a new airplane, playing indoor floor hockey or constructing a hot air balloon with his KNEX. If he gets my partial attention, he remains unsatisfied and lingers nearby non-verbally awaiting what his heart needs . Those times when I can't give him my full attention and I have the wherewithal to voice my needs I say to him, "just one minute" or "one sec" and to my surprise, he feels understood and heard. I don't keep my littles waiting long for my attention, because waiting for me while I'm at my computer might feel like an eternity at their age. At the same time I find that in communicating with them, albeit with a brief reply, I garner that final moment where my brain is still engaged in mommy blogging, that sometimes elusive, adult world and I can finish a thought (or at least add a note to help me remember what I wanted to say when I return to publishing a post). While all this may sound ideal, it takes a concerted effort on my part.

Following Virginia's Home Educator's conference (HEAV), a friend shared with me a survey conducted by young adults who had been homeschooled as children. The children who were most apt to return home stated that their parents were accessible to them. That's what I want for my children. I don't want our homeschool environment to be so driven by academics that I don't see my children as persons. To this end, I desire to minister to my children accordingly to their needs, according to their individual personalities, to be in-tune with them.

A long time ago I was introduced to the concept of Love Languages. In short, love languages are the ways in which we all like to give and receive love. In this aspect, we miss the boat if we are pouring out our love language when our husband and children need to receive love in their own way, again...according to their needs. We need to ask the question, "What fills their "love tank"? For my son, he's a quality time kind of guy. He desires quality time over quantity time. My daughter, on the other hand, her heart gets filled up with a great, big hug! Knowing your child's love language, as well as your own, will give you added understanding as you minister to your family.

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While there are 5 love languages, you will likely fall into more than one category with 1-2 being more dominant.

The 5 love languages are:

Acts of Service

Quality Time

Physical Touch

Words of Encouragement

Gift Giving

Generally, we pour out the love language that we like to receive. So, what happens when your love language is service-related and your child's/husband's love language is gift-related. You might find that your arrow never reaches its target or that you have a moving target at best. As you feed their love languages your family members will feel more respected and more fulfilled. So, why do I mention this to you today? It's because I want to see you successful in all you do, not just homeschool. With this encouragement, I exhort you to identify your family's love languages and begin the process of speaking their language.